Before There Was Amy, Uncles & A Sexy Voice
by thebestworstwriter
Summary: This story is the prequel to Amy Hedgehog, 2 Uncles and Brendaniel. Amy x Brendaniel maybe at some point. Cussing for now, smut might be for later. This story is hard to explain.
1. The One with the Meeting

Amy sat at her windowsill, looking at all the depressing stuff around her. She hated this town. She hated all of the other, inferior hedgehogs. She was better than all the rest, and she knew it. Her luxurious pink velvet-esque coat was proof enough. Every hedgehog man loved her and yet there was only one hedgehog man for her. It was Sonic! But he hated her guts ever since she stalked him during the events of Sonic Heroes and the two had stopped speaking since then. Sonic was also seeing this other stupid bimbo slut named Sally. That never stopped Amy from getting her man!

Hi there. I am Brendaniel at Brendaniel reads. People think that I am Markiplier. But I am not. I'm a clone of Markiplier made by Doctor Eggman in order to try and seduce Amy Rose into becoming my slave-bride and making hedgehog-human Markiplier sounding babies to rule the world. I also read other kinds of fanfiction, ones even worse than this one, which you can listen to at my YouTube channel, if this was a video, click in the top right corner for more of this kind of stuff. And if you like my character and my voice reading this story, then go over to Pateron and give me money because I'm human garbage which if this was a video then I'd tell you to click the bottom right-hand corner. If you want to buy t-shirts with my sexy face on them, click the upper left-hand corner if this was a video. And lastly, if you want something completely unrelated to this and if this was a video, click the bottom left-hand corner for another random fanfiction. (A/N: read the story that started this one, even though this is a prequel, The One with Amy Hedgehog, 2 Uncles and Brendaniel!).

Back to the story, I was going up to my very humble apartment when SUDDENLY I tripped on one of the stairs like the lankey doofus I am. Amy heard my screams of torment and she came outside to come and help me. She didn't know of Eggman's evil plans and thus out of the kind sexiness of her heart, she helped me get on my feet once again and dusted me off.

"Hi! My name is Amy Rose and I'm a hedgehog." She said in one short little breath. I knew who she was so I ignored her boring face.

"I'm Brendaniel." I sighed, rubbing my forehead. I was hung over from drinking too much of Mountain Dew's new alcoholic product for my reviews. It tasted like crap, of course, like crappy Sierra Mist or 7 up but with caffeine and alcohol.

"You live here?" She asked like a retard. _No, I live in a sewer near here and I was just climbing up the stairs to go to someone_ _ **else's**_ _apartment and live there for no damn reason_ is what I wanted to tell her.

"Yep. Bye." I said, running up the rest of the stairs without talking more. I had just met Amy for the first time and I already hated her guts. Like how my father hates mine. I think. I don't know.

As I locked my apartment door behind me, I could hear Garfield's sexy new party going on in the apartment next to mine. Thin walls are among my worst enemies. Along with Doritos and Sonichu.

"YEAAAHHHHHH LET'S GET CRUNNNK" Some random basic white girl screamed from next door with a bunch of 'YEAHS' in response to her. I sobbed. This was my life. My horrible, disgusting life. Listening to random bitches get high next door to me, living with two cockroaches named Bob and Paulette who hated me and stole all my food so I had to go to Pateron to get food. Gamestop fired me earlier that day because I was too sexy and customers started complaining about being pregnant with me even though I was faithful to my one true love - Mountain Dew. Then Mountain Dew, in her tall green sexiness, broke up with me because of the nasty rumors! I was all alone then, at least that is what I thought.

The rushed knocking came from my apartment door. I slowly rose from my rotting couch to answer it. It was Garfield, with my ex-girlfriend Mountain Dew! I only looked through the peephole and refused to open the door for that asshole. I pulled out some Doritos in order to attempt a suicide. Doritos are so mean and vengeful to me just the opening of their bag is enough to make them pounce on me with pure hate. Then I got a phone call before I could open the bag. Being drunk still, I answered the phone without looking.

"Oh hey!" Amy said, her voice hitting my ears like a ton of constipated bricks. I moaned in pain, not in pleasure at the sound of her voice. It irritated me and my clonish ears. Yet I still listened. "Hope you don't mind that I got your number from Garfield. He said you were depressed and needed some help. Wanna come hang out with me and Sonic tomorrow at Sonic's?"

I scowled. THAT Sonic's was where Sonichu worked after getting one of his kids pregnant with an unwanted hedgehog-pikachu abomination. I decided that in fact, it would be a good idea to go over there to taunt that stupid yellow hedgehog who destroyed my hopes and dreams of being the #1 Gamestop employee of America and China. (hehe China is vagina to CWC!) So I agreed to the date and then proceeded to fall asleep in my darkly lit bathroom inside of my lonely bathtub named Bob. Bob liked me a little too much. Thankfully his wife was the toilet so it was all okay.

THE END (for now)


	2. The One with the Date

I got dressed up for the occasion. My first date with Amy H. Rose. I really hated her but I wanted to rub my always useful cynanide right into Sonichu's face. I hated him for existing and forcing me to read his writer's… _weird…_ stuff.

I met up with Amy at Sonic's (the diner, not Sonic's house. That'd be weird). I was in a Garfield hat (signed by the cat himself), a Minions t-shirt and tight, pleather pants (they were the only ones I had that weren't dirtied or boxers) and my handy dandy giant-strawed cup.

"Oh hey!" Amy said, a huge :D on her face.

"Hey." I mumbled, taking a sip of the devil's sweet nectar, aka Mountain Dew, from my cup.

"Sonic is running a little late. Sorry 'bout that." She said as she directed me to an outdoor table. Amy only liked going into Sonic's when she wanted to have dirty table sex with one of her hookups.

"It's fine." I sighed and sat down.

She small-talked for a bit, her facial expressions changing from :D to :) to ;) and finally back to :D. It was really stupid and annoying. She tried to flirt with me by asking if my love pipe was as big as my outsized straw. I just facepalmed and ignored her comment.

"What would you like to order?" Sonichu moaned as he skated up with a notepad in hand.

"I'd like to order… YOUR MISERY!" I screamed, pouring the cynanide all over his face.

It melted his face right off. Amy didn't scream. This kind of thing turned her on. Sonichu ran, super speed, away and got run over by Sonic's car. I was finally happy for once in my life, having bascially killed my one nemesis to death.

Sonic came out of his car, unscathed. He had run over basically everyone in our town. The police couldn't arrest him because he was too fast. Sally came out of the car with him, wearing a sexy red dress that was too fancy and sexy for Sonic's.

"Hiya dudes!" Sonic exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. This was post-Adventure II Sonic I was dealing with. The Sonic trying too hard to be too cool. I liked the old Sonic. (Or did I? Maybe I hated him. Maybe I still hate him. You'll never know.)

"Hey Sonic." Amy said.

"Hey Amy." Sally waved, her luscious squirrel boobs bouncing up and down. She got plastic surgery at Sonic's request after Sonic was able to steal my credit card and use twelve million dollars to fund his endless need for sneakers. "Sonic is _my_ boyfriend now."

Amy growled. Then she wrapped her arms around me in a sexual manner.

"This is _my_ boyfriend, Brendaniel. Isn't that right, Brendy?" She asked in a purr. I wanted to puke. Just puke all over everything and everyone.

"Oh, cool." Sally shrugged, not caring.

Sonic laughed.

"That loser? He can't even keep a credit card, how would he be able to keep _you_? Not even the sexiest of hedgehog men can satisfy _you_ , Amy." Sonic chuckled.

I felt my super saien power rise up deep inside of me. I had been saving it for killing Amy, my primary objective as a Markiplier clone made by Robotnik, but I couldn't help myself. I Falco-punched the blue bastard, sending him flying into outerspace to be joined by Sonichu's spirit.

Sally screamed and cried while Amy fell more in love with me. She squeezed around me tighter until I pushed her away.

"No, Amy, I'm _not_ your boyfriend. I'll never be your boyfriend. You are ugly, stupid and I hate you. I only live to be garbage and to read smut I find on the internet." I stoically said, like Duke Nukeum riding into the night on Fabio's naked form.

"But Brendi, I can write _all_ the internet smut you'll ever need!" Amy pleaded. "I can have your babies! I can be your personal love factory! I can marry you!"

I just slapped her stupid, ugly face until she :o (o-mouthed, if you will) and walked away like a badass after a big explosion.

Sudddenly, a hooded man came out of a portal of darkness.

"Brendaniel, you must come with me to the Land of Picnic Baskets. There is a story to be read there." The figure demanded of me.

"Bear penises?" I asked.

"Bear penises." The hooded figure responded. I sighed and put on my dimension hopper jacket.

"Brendi, why don't you use the Doctor Who phone booth?" Amy asked, pointing to a blue police telephone booth behind her.

"No, that's shit for fangirling pussies." I muttered coldly as I walked into the portal, drenched in heavy metal edged darkness.


End file.
